004: Adult ADHD
I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but am quite certain that I have adult ADHD. I had never considered it until a friend of mine was diagnosed and got medication and it changed her life. I am debating getting assessed myself to see if it fits.
Oh look! Squirrel!
Did you know that the human head weighs eight pounds?
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, ADHD. I find that many of my character defects fall into the realm of a few different categories. Those are addiction, ADHD, procrastination and a need for a bit of anger management (the last one being mostly when trying to navigate the potential mine field that is raising a soon-to-be teenager). I like to refer to myself as a beautiful mess. I am trying to learn about my various “enhancements”, embrace them as much as I can, and learn from them so that I can be a better human. It’s not easy. Much of it is the result of trauma experienced during childhood. Why I waited so long to dive into it and start to try to “figure me out” is a mystery to me. But no time like the present, right?
Did you know that when you own a Roku, the screensaver looks like a fish tank and you can watch the fish swim around for hours? There’s even one that has a striking resemblance to Nemo. Yes, I am just full of useless information.
So in my “journey of self-discovery”, one of the chapters is going to be digging into ADHD, figuring out if I have it, getting treatment if necessary, and hopefully improving myself as a result. People in my life might notice that I have a hard time focusing, often have a mountain of tasks to do but never end up starting any of them, or that my brain literally never stops.
Have you ever really listened to the sounds that a squirrel makes? There is one in my back yard right this very instant and I could swear it is barking at me in its own way, almost as if it’s telling me to stay off its turf. We live by a corn field and there are a lot of husks in our yard. No doubt delivered to us by the gang of squirrels that inhabit our tree line. They are quite entertaining characters. Perhaps I should do an entire blog on squirrels. What say you my one reader? Alas, I have gone into another tangent.
I try to make light of my abrupt shifts in focus, but they really do plague me more than I like to admit. Sometimes I can hyperfocus on something. Other times I can’t focus at all. Sometimes I can seem lazy, but in my mind I know that the sheer weight of a simple task like getting out of bed can seem like a mountain to me. I sometimes have to force myself to do that very thing, and start the day by making my bed to get one accomplishment under my belt. That seems to make it easier to do other tasks throughout the day.
I am not sure if this post even has a point. I tend to ramble sometimes, and today is one of those days. But this is my blog, and I can ramble if I want to!
I wasn’t kidding when I made my tagline “Welcome to my brain; enter if you dare.”
003: This Makes Me Smile
Sometime ago, I came across the name of a particular minor league baseball team. They had no affiliation with any of the teams I like, where I live or anyone that I know. But something about it just stuck with me.
The Rocket City Trash Pandas.
In this day and age where political correctness is at one extreme or the other, and we hesitate to accept a team name or mascot lest we risk offending one group or the other, I thought this particular team name was brilliant (trash advocates and Panda rights groups aside). The team logo is great. Google it for yourself. I’d share it but didn’t want to risk violating some sort of copyright. It’s basically a panda dressed as a superhero with a trash can lid and trash can on. Flying like a rocket. I guess I’m easily amused.
They are a Double-A team affiliated with the Los Angeles Angels major league baseball team. And they are based out of Alabama.
That is all. You’re welcome.
002: Snap Out Of It
Depression is real. Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems.
Depression is something I have struggled with for years now. With therapy and medication, I have learned to manage it as best as I can. But sometimes, the waves of depression still hit. They come when you least expect it. They don’t come on a schedule or at a specific time, and I never know when they are coming. Sometimes I’ll go months without feeling depressed. Other times I can feel depressed for days, sometimes weeks.
When someone says they are depressed, it doesn’t mean they are just sad. It means there is something chemical in their brain that is off, and it can’t be controlled by the person going through it. They cannot just “snap out of it”. They cannot just “cheer up”. They cannot just “get over it”. Sometimes, depending on the severity, it’s all the person can do to get out of bed. And sometimes, they don’t.
When I was about 12 or 13, someone very close to me tried to commit suicide. It had a major impact on me, to the point where I somehow got it into my head that I had to “save” them. Basically my mind said I had to do everything I could to let them know that I needed them and didn’t want to see them gone, and to remind them of how much I loved them every single day. I’m not sure how I came to that conclusion at my young age, but something compelled me to do that.
I’ve come across different people in my life who are dealing with some type of sadness and/or depression, and I am always in tune with it and concerned about it. I don’t know if I’d say I take it on my own shoulders, but I do have some rescuing tendencies sometimes. It breaks my heart that anyone would be so down and depressed that they would think it would be better to just kill themselves. I’ve been down before, depressed and to the point where I didn’t want to get out of bed. But even still, I have never wanted to end my life. As an adult, I’ve had times of wanting to get away, physically, to another place. Somewhere no one knows me. But never actually suicidal.
So if you, my reader, or anyone you know is ever feeling that way, please talk to someone. There is a suicide hotline. There are people who will listen. Your friends and family would want to know. Do not go through it alone. Counselling can help. Medicine can help. Other things can help. But don’t just let it linger. Don’t keep it bottled up. It’s more common than you think and you are not the only one going through it.
Until next time.
001: Let’s Get It Started!
Hey you! Welcome to my blog! You, my dear reader, are number one! My very first reader! Congratulations! We shall celebrate with a song, a dance-off and perhaps some confetti! Okay, not really. But I’m so excited you stopped by to read my blog.
My ultimate goal is to be authentic, relatable, approachable, and put out content that resonates with my readers. Topics will cover pretty much whatever comes to my mind on a particular day, but will include such things as mental health, addiction, baseball and television. My hope is to one day be part of a community where people feel compelled to share, reach out, and just let each other know that “Hey, whatever you’re going through; wherever you’re at; you are not alone.”
A little about me, and I do mean a little because I’m going to stay away from revealing personal information about myself. I want to be able to write freely about things as I see them. In order to do that, I feel it’s best to keep it anonymous. You’ll be able to leave comments or email me as you see fit. For now, all you need to know is that I am a blogger, have some wordly experience, and look forward to sharing my writings and musings with you. My number one reader!
So come along with me on this journey, won’t you? It should be fun!