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010: On Politics
This is a very busy time of year in the world of politics in the state that I live in. There is an election tomorrow that has the potential to change a lot of things. There are a lot of posts on social media, mailers in the mailbox, commercials on television, and it’s really difficult to get away from it. I am going to go to the local polling place in the morning and place my vote, just as many others will. I hope it’s a record turnout. If you’re not going to, and you’re able, get out and vote.
Everyone knows the larger election that is looming. I can already feel the tension in the environment around me as it gets closer. This Presidential election will be another turning point in our great country. It has the potential to be very divisive if we let it. I admittedly got caught up in some of the social media jibes back and forth with some of my friends during the last election period and the aftermath, and during COVID. I should not have let it become divisive. In some cases, I did. I kick myself for that constantly.
Since then, I have tried to listen to and learn from other people and their beliefs. Whether they are very much like mine, or completely the opposite, having a conversation and listening to what their experiences are that lead them to believe what they do is far more productive than trying to “win” an argument about it. I think both sides have one thing right – that the media and people from both sides of the aisle would have us believe that we are radically different. Polar opposites. But I don’t think we are. The division is caused by a small group of people that feed the information to both sides. They count on our naivete in believing some or all of it and grabbing onto it, and then shovelling it onto others. No one really knows what the truth of it all is. But we need to be active listeners in trying to discern it. Listening is our greatest weapon against division. Let others speak. Don’t post something divisive and then retreat to your corner. Look people in the eye and actually engage with them in a heart to heart conversation. It might not change anyone’s mind, but it might enlighten and educate you both about something you didn’t already know. And it will at the very least give you a glimpse into the heart of the person that you’re having the conversation with. Give it a chance. It’s worth it.
Oh, and GO VOTE!!!!
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009: Can You Feel It?
Disclaimer: I’m not sure what compelled me to post this. My intent was not to offend anyone. It was just something on my mind and I felt like sharing it with you, my reader. It’s meant to be sexy, not tasteless. Sexual, but not perverted. Scroll by if you wish. Still finding my feet as a blogger.
No words. You meet in an empty room. Time stops. He walks over to you. His hand brushes your hair out of your eyes. He wants to see you. Really see you. He comes closer, looking so deeply into your eyes that you feel like he sees your soul. Hearts are racing. His chest brushes against yours. In an instant, he leans into you and whispers “do you feel it?”. Just that one whisper makes your body ache for him. He slides your shirt over your head, removes your bra and panties, and suddenly you are naked before him. As he is as well. He is behind you now. Breathing on your neck. Hand slowly roaming up your hip, belly, grazing your breast, circling your now firm nipple. He guides you to the bed, lying you down on your stomach. He lies next to you. He begins to explore your body with his mouth. His tongue runs along your ass and you can’t help but let out a moan. He moves down your thigh, then back up to your back and your neck. He finds your ear, and lingers there a bit. As he’s doing this, his hand slowly roams your body, moving down your breasts, stomach, and inner thigh. He is so close to kissing you, you can almost taste it. Just as your lips meet his finger grazes your clit. The kiss is soft, slow, and his fingers are teasing your sweet wetness. You’re dripping from anticipation. He tastes his finger and looks you in the eye. Then he kisses your neck, your breasts, licking and sucking just how you like it. You arch your back just as he makes his way down to your hips, and then……his tongue finds its target. You moan and push his head into you. His tongue is magic as it works you into a frenzy. He is licking you while sliding a finger in and out. All you can think about is how you want him deep inside of you. But he turns you over again. His hands reach around and caress your breasts as his tongue explores your ass. He the finger fucks you as his tongue slides into you from behind, burying his face in you. You had no idea you liked having your ass licked, but fuck do you ever. He’s now got two fingers inside you while tonguing your ass. You are unable to contain yourself and lean around and pull his thick hardness into your mouth. He is big, and you are taking it all in. You can feel him swelling in your throat and his muscles are contracting so you back off. You climb on and begin to ride him with more intensity than you’ve ever ridden anyone. His hands grab your hips and ass and you move as one. He sits up and kisses your breasts as you ride even harder. You are both so ready to explode. You feel it building up and are no longer able to contain it. As soon as you cum, you feel his cum inside of you as he moans out loud and fucks you so good. “This is just round one”, he says to you as he moves behind you for more.
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008: Influence, Not Control
Becoming a Dad was something I’d always been afraid of. This child, this human, would be reliant on me and my wife for everything. Literally everything. It was terrifying to me. I didn’t think I was worthy. That I could do it.
My son is almost a teenager. He is smart, funny, creative, thoughtful, empathetic, and has a very strong spirit and will. Being his Dad is the perhaps the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. The love that I have for him, the lengths I would go for him, without him even asking – they know no bounds.
Sometimes it’s difficult. He is very independent-minded and stubborn. I’m not sure where that comes from. Ha. I am learning to try to let him learn on his own, through going through life experiences and taking what he goes through and using it in the future. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like he’s learned anything and he’s doomed to repeat the same mistakes. Other times it’s like he’s on his way to being a man. The trick for me is to try to be an influence on him, but not have control over him. It’s difficult. Sometimes I just want to say “because I said so” or “I’m your father and that’s the only reason I have for you.” And believe me, I have. But I am slowly learning that being flexible, adapting and trying to let him spread his wings is more beneficial than just telling him how it’s going to be. Where is the line? How do you walk it? I wish I could tell you.
But what I can tell you, is that I would not trade any of it. I try to tell him that Dad’s far from perfect and makes mistakes. I try to own those mistakes. I try to let him see me, really see me. But I also am trying to provide him with a positive influence. Sometimes I fail. But I am doing my best. I hope he knows that.
I can’t believe he’s going to be a teenager. Driving soon. College soon (or whatever he chooses to do). Moving away soon and living on his own. Don’t blink.
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007: Days Gone By
I’m sorry if my posts are cryptic and even a tad morbid lately. That’s not my usual M.O. But I guess lately it’s where I’ve been living. Today I found out that a good friend’s Father had a fall and has some very bad injuries. He may not live through it. Memories came flooding through my mind of our childhood and the part this man played in my life. We moved in across the street from them when I was still in preschool and my parents still live there. “Ralph” was a very no-nonsense guy, told it like it was. He never wanted anyone to make a fuss over him, but he would always make sure you had whatever you needed. He wanted everyone to enjoy themselves. I vaguely remember him offering me a beer from his garage refrigerator once when I was maybe in 8th grade. I declined, of course, as I just knew I wasn’t supposed to. As I got older, “Ralph” was involved in many good memories. There was a canoe trip one year where we drank from sun-up to sundown, eating steak for breakfast and steak for dinner. We played chicken in the canoes and he lost his wedding ring somewhere on the river. There were the times at a local bar where we’d all dance and drink the night away, and he would always buy for everyone and make sure everyone had a drink in their hand. Good memories. But now, he’s in the hospital. On a ventilator. My friend and his family sitting by his bedside, waiting. I can’t imagine the pain they are all in.
My own father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s a few years ago. I thought it was lucky that he wasn’t diagnosed until he was in his 70’s. For the most part it didn’t slow him down too much. Until this past year, he was able to shower, get dressed, and the normal day to day activities on his own. This year has been different though. He now can barely stand, walk to the bathroom, and cannot shower. The progression of this disease is rapid at times. Dad is tired. Tired of doctors and pills and having to pee too much and not being able to sleep enough. I can tell he feels trapped inside his own body at times. It breaks my heart. But I want him to know I love him just the same as I ever did. I kind of feel like I did when I was younger and he attempted suicide – that I need him to know more than ever how much I need him and love him and want him around. How important he is to me.
Too often I am stoic, show no outward enthusiasm, and don’t let the people I love know how I feel about them. I’m going to try to be better at that. Because it’s important. Because they need to know. Even if it’s weird. I’ll be weird. I would think people would be used to that from me by now. If not, they will get used to it.
To you, my devoted and faithful reader, I appreciate you. You matter. I care about you. And I’m glad you’re here. If you ever want to reach out, drop me an email or a comment. There doesn’t have to be a reason. Just say hi. Tell me what you’re struggling with. Tell me what gives you joy. Favorite songs. Favorite movies. All of it. I want to hear it all. Because we’re better together. And we need to remind each other of that.
Go forth and love those around you! Make it weird! Make people wonder what’s gotten into you. Then tell me your stories of how it went! I’m serious. Go!
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006: How Did We Get Here?
Division. Anger. Hate. Violence. Selfishness. Power-hungry. Politics. Fear. Naive. Gullible. Disingenuous. Insensitive. Dishonest. Self-Righteous. Indignant. The Never Ending Desire to Be Right. At. Any. Cost.
Where are we as a society? What has the world come to? Why all the division? Why all the hate?
I believe it all depends what lense we are viewing the world through. Do you view what’s presented to you unfiltered? Or do you gain perspective and draw your own conclusions? Is this country in as bad shape as some would have us believe? Or are we being fed the wrong information?
I want to believe good wins over evil. That love never fails. You got to let love rule. Where is the love? What’s goin’ on? People killin’ people dyin’.
Love wins. It’s true. Seek it. Dig for it. Look for it. I believe it is still the dominant quality of our world and our society. Truth is where you find it.
I’m rambling. Tired. But finding hope through writing. There is community here. There is togetherness. There is love. It’s all around us. In you. In me.
Believe. Hope. Dream. Love.
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005: Happy Halloween
Just a quick post to wish you all a Happy Halloween. If you’re so inclined to celebrate it, enjoy it and be safe! If not, Happy last day of October 2022! Embrace all that is to come in November and charge into it like a lion!
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com -
004: Adult ADHD
I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but am quite certain that I have adult ADHD. I had never considered it until a friend of mine was diagnosed and got medication and it changed her life. I am debating getting assessed myself to see if it fits.
Oh look! Squirrel!
Did you know that the human head weighs eight pounds?
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, ADHD. I find that many of my character defects fall into the realm of a few different categories. Those are addiction, ADHD, procrastination and a need for a bit of anger management (the last one being mostly when trying to navigate the potential mine field that is raising a soon-to-be teenager). I like to refer to myself as a beautiful mess. I am trying to learn about my various “enhancements”, embrace them as much as I can, and learn from them so that I can be a better human. It’s not easy. Much of it is the result of trauma experienced during childhood. Why I waited so long to dive into it and start to try to “figure me out” is a mystery to me. But no time like the present, right?
Did you know that when you own a Roku, the screensaver looks like a fish tank and you can watch the fish swim around for hours? There’s even one that has a striking resemblance to Nemo. Yes, I am just full of useless information.
So in my “journey of self-discovery”, one of the chapters is going to be digging into ADHD, figuring out if I have it, getting treatment if necessary, and hopefully improving myself as a result. People in my life might notice that I have a hard time focusing, often have a mountain of tasks to do but never end up starting any of them, or that my brain literally never stops.
Have you ever really listened to the sounds that a squirrel makes? There is one in my back yard right this very instant and I could swear it is barking at me in its own way, almost as if it’s telling me to stay off its turf. We live by a corn field and there are a lot of husks in our yard. No doubt delivered to us by the gang of squirrels that inhabit our tree line. They are quite entertaining characters. Perhaps I should do an entire blog on squirrels. What say you my one reader? Alas, I have gone into another tangent.
I try to make light of my abrupt shifts in focus, but they really do plague me more than I like to admit. Sometimes I can hyperfocus on something. Other times I can’t focus at all. Sometimes I can seem lazy, but in my mind I know that the sheer weight of a simple task like getting out of bed can seem like a mountain to me. I sometimes have to force myself to do that very thing, and start the day by making my bed to get one accomplishment under my belt. That seems to make it easier to do other tasks throughout the day.
I am not sure if this post even has a point. I tend to ramble sometimes, and today is one of those days. But this is my blog, and I can ramble if I want to!
I wasn’t kidding when I made my tagline “Welcome to my brain; enter if you dare.”
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003: This Makes Me Smile
Photo by Laura The Explaura on Pexels.com Sometime ago, I came across the name of a particular minor league baseball team. They had no affiliation with any of the teams I like, where I live or anyone that I know. But something about it just stuck with me.
The Rocket City Trash Pandas.
In this day and age where political correctness is at one extreme or the other, and we hesitate to accept a team name or mascot lest we risk offending one group or the other, I thought this particular team name was brilliant (trash advocates and Panda rights groups aside). The team logo is great. Google it for yourself. I’d share it but didn’t want to risk violating some sort of copyright. It’s basically a panda dressed as a superhero with a trash can lid and trash can on. Flying like a rocket. I guess I’m easily amused.
They are a Double-A team affiliated with the Los Angeles Angels major league baseball team. And they are based out of Alabama.
That is all. You’re welcome.
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002: Snap Out Of It
Depression is real. Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems.
Photo by Download a pic Donate a buck! ^ on Pexels.com Depression is something I have struggled with for years now. With therapy and medication, I have learned to manage it as best as I can. But sometimes, the waves of depression still hit. They come when you least expect it. They don’t come on a schedule or at a specific time, and I never know when they are coming. Sometimes I’ll go months without feeling depressed. Other times I can feel depressed for days, sometimes weeks.
When someone says they are depressed, it doesn’t mean they are just sad. It means there is something chemical in their brain that is off, and it can’t be controlled by the person going through it. They cannot just “snap out of it”. They cannot just “cheer up”. They cannot just “get over it”. Sometimes, depending on the severity, it’s all the person can do to get out of bed. And sometimes, they don’t.
When I was about 12 or 13, someone very close to me tried to commit suicide. It had a major impact on me, to the point where I somehow got it into my head that I had to “save” them. Basically my mind said I had to do everything I could to let them know that I needed them and didn’t want to see them gone, and to remind them of how much I loved them every single day. I’m not sure how I came to that conclusion at my young age, but something compelled me to do that.
I’ve come across different people in my life who are dealing with some type of sadness and/or depression, and I am always in tune with it and concerned about it. I don’t know if I’d say I take it on my own shoulders, but I do have some rescuing tendencies sometimes. It breaks my heart that anyone would be so down and depressed that they would think it would be better to just kill themselves. I’ve been down before, depressed and to the point where I didn’t want to get out of bed. But even still, I have never wanted to end my life. As an adult, I’ve had times of wanting to get away, physically, to another place. Somewhere no one knows me. But never actually suicidal.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com So if you, my reader, or anyone you know is ever feeling that way, please talk to someone. There is a suicide hotline. There are people who will listen. Your friends and family would want to know. Do not go through it alone. Counselling can help. Medicine can help. Other things can help. But don’t just let it linger. Don’t keep it bottled up. It’s more common than you think and you are not the only one going through it.
Until next time.
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001: Let’s Get It Started!
Hey you! Welcome to my blog! You, my dear reader, are number one! My very first reader! Congratulations! We shall celebrate with a song, a dance-off and perhaps some confetti! Okay, not really. But I’m so excited you stopped by to read my blog.
Photo by Laker on Pexels.com My ultimate goal is to be authentic, relatable, approachable, and put out content that resonates with my readers. Topics will cover pretty much whatever comes to my mind on a particular day, but will include such things as mental health, addiction, baseball and television. My hope is to one day be part of a community where people feel compelled to share, reach out, and just let each other know that “Hey, whatever you’re going through; wherever you’re at; you are not alone.”
Photo by Picography on Pexels.com A little about me, and I do mean a little because I’m going to stay away from revealing personal information about myself. I want to be able to write freely about things as I see them. In order to do that, I feel it’s best to keep it anonymous. You’ll be able to leave comments or email me as you see fit. For now, all you need to know is that I am a blogger, have some wordly experience, and look forward to sharing my writings and musings with you. My number one reader!
So come along with me on this journey, won’t you? It should be fun!
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I Blog Therefore I Am 