002: Snap Out Of It

Depression is real. Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems.

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Depression is something I have struggled with for years now. With therapy and medication, I have learned to manage it as best as I can. But sometimes, the waves of depression still hit. They come when you least expect it. They don’t come on a schedule or at a specific time, and I never know when they are coming. Sometimes I’ll go months without feeling depressed. Other times I can feel depressed for days, sometimes weeks.

When someone says they are depressed, it doesn’t mean they are just sad. It means there is something chemical in their brain that is off, and it can’t be controlled by the person going through it. They cannot just “snap out of it”. They cannot just “cheer up”. They cannot just “get over it”. Sometimes, depending on the severity, it’s all the person can do to get out of bed. And sometimes, they don’t.

When I was about 12 or 13, someone very close to me tried to commit suicide. It had a major impact on me, to the point where I somehow got it into my head that I had to “save” them. Basically my mind said I had to do everything I could to let them know that I needed them and didn’t want to see them gone, and to remind them of how much I loved them every single day. I’m not sure how I came to that conclusion at my young age, but something compelled me to do that.

I’ve come across different people in my life who are dealing with some type of sadness and/or depression, and I am always in tune with it and concerned about it. I don’t know if I’d say I take it on my own shoulders, but I do have some rescuing tendencies sometimes. It breaks my heart that anyone would be so down and depressed that they would think it would be better to just kill themselves. I’ve been down before, depressed and to the point where I didn’t want to get out of bed. But even still, I have never wanted to end my life. As an adult, I’ve had times of wanting to get away, physically, to another place. Somewhere no one knows me. But never actually suicidal.

So if you, my reader, or anyone you know is ever feeling that way, please talk to someone. There is a suicide hotline. There are people who will listen. Your friends and family would want to know. Do not go through it alone. Counselling can help. Medicine can help. Other things can help. But don’t just let it linger. Don’t keep it bottled up. It’s more common than you think and you are not the only one going through it.

Until next time.

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