As I started to realize some of my tendencies are compulsive, I sought out a counselor who specializes in sex addiction. We agreed I needed to start attending meetings immediately. I had no idea that Sex Addicts Anonymous had meetings in the town where I live. I was still trying to wrap my mind about the fact that I am a sex addict. The ideas I had in my head about what a sex addict is didn’t seem to fit with what I was doing. I now realize that was just a lack of knowledge on my part. Not to mention an unintentionally judgemental attitude about sex addicts.
My therapist got me in touch with a guy who attends and leads the meetings, and he texted with me off and on that day to tell me about the meetings, answer any questions I have about them, and just help put me at ease about the whole thing. If you’ve ever heard someone say “I felt like there were other forces at play in this situation”, this was that day for me. In a matter of hours, I had gone from the desperation of wanting a different life for myself, to finding a sex addiction therapist and meetings in the town I live in. I probably should have been terrified as to what that first meeting was going to be like, but for some reason I never really was. I felt like God was putting me where I needed to be.
The next day was my first meeting. I really didn’t know what to expect but just knew I needed to be there. What happened in the next few months was nothing short of a miracle.
As I sat in my first meeting, I went from “what in the holy hell have I gotten myself into?” to seeing vulnerability, honor, no judgement and a safe place. I saw guys genuinely caring for one another. I saw guys who could not be open and honest about their addictions anywhere else, opening up and being completely transparent at these meetings. Slowly, I began to do the same.
With therapy, this group and my faith, I have begun to feel hope for the first time in many years. Hope for my future. My marriage. And a much lighter load on my shoulders than in recent history.
SAA is a brotherhood. It’s helped save my life, literally. The people in these meetings are some of the best people I know. Lifelong friendships are being made here. I never thought I would say the words “I’m a sex addict”, but they are very freeing words. And this group is a huge part of my ongoing recovery.