As I’ve mentioned before, I am a sex addict. I started counseling with a licensed sex addiction counselor during the Summer of 2022. At the same time, I joined a local SAA group. Here we are 16 months later. I have put so many things in my rear-view mirror with the help of God, my SAA brothers and sisters, and my counselor. What I have discovered is that I am a work in progress, I feel freer and lighter, and I am on a journey of self discovery. This is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Exhilarating because I am leaving my addict behind in many ways. Terrifying because when I strip all of the addictive behaviors away, I’m not sure who I am underneath. It’s scary. Will I like who I am? It’s just hard to know.

I have a feeling that there are many other addicts out there who may not even be aware that they are addicts. That’s how it was for me. I knew I was doing some things that were not conducive to being a good man, husband, father, friend, etc. But I didn’t know the depth of my disease or how deeply rooted it was. Nor did I fully realize how it had an impact on everyone I came into contact with, whether they knew it or not. To say you’re a sex addict isn’t making an excuse for your behavior. “Oh, I was an addict so I wasn’t responsible for what I was doing”. That is far from the truth. But, at the same time, there are things that I have experienced in my life that may have contributed to some of these behaviors without me even knowing it. And in recovery, I am learning to separate the addict from the real me. Knowing there is a path to recovery, to being the person I was meant to be, is a tremendous weight lifted from my shoulders. Not because recovery is easy. Oh, it is NOT easy! But it’s a way forward.

The main thing to remember when battling an addiction is that 1) we are addicts and 2) there will always be temptation and urges to slip. But we focus on the progress we have made rather than beating ourselves up for mistakes. As long as we are using the new tools we have learned about to fight off the addictive behaviors, there will be progress. And I urge you, do not attempt to do this alone. It will not work. You need community. Counselling. And to connect with your higher power. I tried for many years to do it on my own. So I know what it’s like. Don’t let the shame win. Bring it out into the light. It’s the only way forward.

My hope is that by being open and vulnerable with you, my devoted reader, that perhaps you or someone you know is dealing with something similar and can get something out of reading this. Maybe they need someone to talk to about it or resources to begin looking into their own issues. I am here. Feel free to reach out privately or in the comments.